He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
