I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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