i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
