I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
