sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
