Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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