I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
