My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
