I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
