i think i have two assholes
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
