Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
