Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
