So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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