Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
