biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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