She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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