It was confusing and full of hummus
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
