he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
