wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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