I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
