wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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