Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
