i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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