need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
