You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
