dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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