I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
