you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
