apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
tequila makes me forget i have legs
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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