I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
