If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
