It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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