So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
