I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
