i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
