Soap is not a condiment
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
