btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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