mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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