I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Mom said you looked used
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
