It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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