the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
