Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
