Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
