I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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