I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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