you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
