I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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