You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
