New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
