Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
