Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
