She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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